Calamity

Mom once said my feelings my emotions are always extreme. dr kecik hingga da besar. mmg tak leh control perangai and reactions.When im mad, i get really mad. sometimes to the extend of throwing things/bad words. When im sad, i cried many nights. when i hated something or some1 i tend to show it, like obviously benciiii ( buat muka, buat bodo, sumpah seranah,benci lama2). when i want something so bad, i dont care how.. i still want it.... yes, that was who i used to be. im not sure bout now, but at least i know i've changed a bit. which part dont ask. hahaah

Recently, had a big argument with one of my research team (yeah, xsah x gado... ako mmg kaki gadoh (T_T) !). nolah ni bukan sengaja cari pasal apa ni isu org besar. Like the old days, when i get upset with some1.. i did nothing yet i'd stay away. when my mouth starts to mumbling nak kutuk2 org, dalam fikiran dah terlanjur ni baik ako diam skang takot nyesal. sumpah takot menyesal. da byk kali kena. hahahah pdn muka kn?! hehe... but mind u... ako lari bukan ako takot, bukan sebb ako salah. tp sebb nk jaga diri ni. nak jaga mulut ni, nk jaga muka ni, supaya org tgk x sakit hati. becuz bila  xsuka semua ako tunjuk. kesian pulak kat org.... jadi kat sini i think, im doing something good for me n for those around me. So, running away is not always coward. when things get normal, i am normal again. see?? its just a matter of time. BUT, yess running does not work all the time. tambah2 bila da besar. da matang skit aiceh. Seriously, that day.. i confronted our problems. discuss about it properly. it was a short argument yet alhamdulillah both of us ended forgiving each other. n hoping things wud get better, like before (xpecaya ako buat. sila percaya skrang wowot!). im cool now. no longer feel the heartache or rasa bersalah yang x surut2. but guess the other person is not acting cool at all. decided not to talk to me? huh.. hahah do watever u wish i will still talk to u as nothing ever happened. im confident i can do that (ciss since when ako blaja jadi cool entah). ok2, thats not the main point here. The thing is u gotta make sure u sincerely forgive people. When u feel somthing is wrong quickly find solution, ask y. did i hurt u? did i do anything wrong to upset u? ask it to their face. stop talking behind peoples back c'mon we are all grown ups now. THATS HOW U CONTROL UR REACTION. n say sorry for the things u did n u regret it. barulah terkawal skit perangai childish tu ye adik2. Now da boleh buang jauh2 perangai extreme sekalian. Cool lebih baik.;p

footnote 1: i just got to know somebody from my degree years dok jaja cerita about me. like seriously may i know y? ( hot ke ako org nk cita2 n warned org telling that becareful perangai dia mcmni2. what makes u think u know me? i dont think i bother about u pn. ok fine. i forgive u. just xyahlah buat lg at least jgnlah sampai balik kat telinga ako ni hoi. hahahha)

footnote 2: InshaAllah, moga diri ini menjadi lebih baik. lebih dewasa.